• Asis Panda

Moving To India

Updated: Jan 17, 2020

Originally published on Facebook

Life is good.

That's precisely what's wrong. A good life is good, in fact great. I'm extremely grateful and lucky to have one. I owe it all to the people behind it who believed, supported, and stood by me. I don't want to sound cocky, I'm being honest.

However, there was this feeling deep down. It's the Gut. The Gut was still not satisfied. It made me feel nauseous on Saturdays. The Gut made me anxious, it made me nervous. Upon introspection and a lot of therapy (that's for my mental health) I was able to meet my gut, face to face, naked. It was a daunting experience every time. It was so because I was extremely vulnerable and open to myself. I was open to the idea that I have two paths ahead of me every day, one that makes me comfortable and cosy, the other gives me an opportunity to do chase my dreams. The latter path demands a lot of things, honesty, and understanding of self-being the primary. Understanding of self, the true blunt self is like being naked in the middle of an airport playing the drum. It's scary AF. I'm not there yet, I'm still in pursuit.

Then there's the world. If you ever played Age of Empires you might be familiar with the feeling you get when you walk towards the dark space only for it to be lit and be revealed what was down there. Sometimes it's a resource you need, sometimes it's an enemy tower which will attack you and sometimes it's just barren land. The world is similar. What's guaranteed if you're willing to walk into that dark space is wisdom. That is like getting free money; after all, wisdom is the only true asset one can accumulate and take with them once they die (you can also choose to share it). I'm addicted to wisdom. If I go six months without it I feel I get off-track of life. I've barely scratched the surface of the world.

Then there's India. What can I say? Home is home. More importantly, there's a sense of privilege that my journey till now has instilled in me. I'm privileged to have a loving family and a lot of friends (looking at you), to come to the USA, to become a designer, to travel, to start and fail a company before, to be able to be adventurous and take risks. But that also makes me owe a little, to myself. I dream to make the most of these privileges and possibly be able to give back a little something or be able to, if at all. That's the pursuit, it'll be always that pursuit.

I like this line from the poem by Dylan Thomas:

Do not go gentle into that good night

It does make sense though if one can think about each passing moment as the "dying of the light" since it's ephemeral.

Hence, the move.

I don't have a job in India, I may not be looking for one for some time now, and I'm not starting a company either. However, if you need any help of any kind, especially design, I'm all ears.